This is not a funny story, just a testimony, something important for me.
Once upon a time, I was in love. It was a real life relationship - not a Disney romance we grew up watching. There were ups, and downs. She wanted a child. And, I, ultimately, wanted that as well. And I knew she’d be a great mother. So, we agreed to start this journey together.
This story doesn’t end with “and lived happily ever after”.
It was hard
I, to this date, still don’t know what really happened. All I can say, is that it didn’t go well.
It was hard for me. Not understanding the feelings, not being able to help.
But I can’t even imagine how hard it was for her. The pain, having to tell me, then to call for such an appointment, to meet the first doctor, to wait, to do the thing itself, to undergo the days that come after, your body all messed up, and… you know… to live with that.
The final decision couldn’t be mine
In a healthy relationship, trying to have a baby is a two person decision. Abortion is not. None of what was happening, was inside my body. Period.
I don’t say it doesn’t have to be discussed, that the woman has to take the responsibility (on the opposite actually). There is just no way she doesn’t have the final call.
I couldn’t help
In our case, it was not really a debate. I tried to communicate. To understand. To help.
But, it didn’t work. I couldn’t help much.
Neither before, nor after.
But I agreed.
All I’ve done was drive her to the hospital, wait, and drove her back.
After, I wanted fix us.
But I couldn’t.
Few months after, our story was over.
It took me a while to talk about it
Maybe it’s because it was still hurting a lot, maybe because abortion is a taboo, and I don’t want to give a negative image of this person I loved, but I haven’t talked about it for months.
The first time I mentioned it was over 6 months after the abortion, to my closest friends.
(Pro tip, a very fun evening with drinks is not the best time for this topic)
Another 3 to 4 months to tell it to parents and sisters. I so badly didn’t want to talk about it, that I wrote to them, and went offline for 4 days to avoid facing their reaction.
Months later, I think I manage to talk about that with people that are important to me, in a way that doesn’t make everyone super sad around the table.
Talking about it helped me.
And now I write this down here. Because I think
the 3 people reading this know me well enough that I want them to know. Or they’ll end up here because the subject matters to them.
It touches more people
Prior to this experience, I only heard once about someone going through abortion. And it was not a fun story either.
Since I started talking about it, I’ve had more woman telling me a part of their story as well. Guess what, it’s never a funny story.
Abortions, difficulties to get pregnant, or pregnancies that go wrong happen way more than you think. Probably to people close to you. It doesn’t make anyone a broken, or a less good person. It’s just a thing we don’t talk about for so many personal reasons. Sending love to anyone who reads this and have been through it.
I can’t forgive
There is one thing that I can’t forgive, listening to these woman. It’s the men who gave up on the woman they got pregnant. It’s a thing in 50% of the cases I heard. One of these men being a very very close person from me.
I hated myself for not being able to help already. But I hate you even more for running away, and let them deal with the abortion without your support.
If it happened in 2022 in the US, it’d have been illegal
If you’ve seen the news in the past few days, you probably guessed why I’m writing this now. If it happened in 2022, in some states in the USA, this entire thing would have been illegal.
My girlfriend would have been a criminal. Would I be an accomplice for supporting her? Well, I take the blame.
It’s hard enough
Abortion is hard enough. Physically and morally. Make it illegal, and it becomes unsafe.
Not only that, this is something that sticks somewhere in your mind for years, maybe a lifetime. If it’s illegal, that means you can’t safely talk about it, get the help and support that you need.
One last note
If you’re a man reading this, take care of your contraception. This is not about abortion. It’s about respect, and equality. Talk about it! It’s not only a woman thing.
Abortion is not contraception.
Contraceptive pill for decades is not great and doesn’t prevent STDs (so, get tested. It’s free in France - maybe in your country too. Crazy how many men around me never did).
Vasectomy is a thing if you really don’t want children, and doesn’t impact health nor sex life.
DMs are open
PS: Oh, and I’m fine!